Contra 4 Review

Let me just start off this review by saying this game is fucking difficult, I mean, its fucking difficult, as in, its like fighting Attila the Hun blind-folded with your hands tied behind your back(And thats just when you're on Normal mode). If you're a fucking wimp who can't handle an actual challenge, you will hate this game but if you're a man, you'll love this game, no matter how many times you die.

Probably one of the most bad ass things about this game is the fact that you can play co-op with someone else that has the game, which means you get to both play this shit together and you get to make fun of your friend for sucking so much ass at this game. It of course has the same kick ass game-play but now with some very impressive graphics to compliment it.

The levels seem pretty short but to make up for this they make tons of enemies come at you and make the bosses take a bit. You got the normal set of weapons, along with some new ones and you can carry two weapons(You can't do any duel-wielding shit like in Contra 3, so that sucks ass) and you can switch out at any time, you lose the weapon you die with and the other that wasn't being used stays with you. You're able to use vehicles on some of the levels, which is a plus along with a change of perspective for some parts of the game allowing for more variety so you don't just get bored playing the same shit(Though, why the fuck would you? Shooting shit rules). Way-Forward Games did a damn good job at making this game, so make sure to keep on the look out for more of their stuff.

Conclusion: Buy this fucking game

Mother (Famicom)

Platform: Famicom
Publisher: Nintendo
Developer: Nintendo
Genre: Role Playing
Release Date: July 27, 1989
Rated: Not Rated

Also commonly called Earthbound Zero. The name Mother is from the John Lennon song of the same name. Creator Shigesato Itoi felt a strong feeling for the song, since both Itoi and Lennon had a father that left early in their life. He wanted people to feel similar (emotionally) so he created this game. Originally, this game was scheduled to be released in the US, but for whatever reason, Nintendo of America canceled the US version. Eventually, someone put the prototype version on the net, and hence, fans rejoiced.

Story: Prior to the game, a shadow covered a rural area in America. An couple vanished, suddenly. Two year later the father returns, but the mother never does. 80 year later, you wake up and are attacked by household objects. After the attacks stop, your father tells you to go out in the world to stop whatever is causing this. Standard "save the world" type story, but at least as the game progresses, you figure out that the story isn't all too cliche.
4 out of 5

Gameplay: The game plays very much like the early Final Fantasy games. Topdown view an a field, and random boss battles. In battles, you can use PSI, or Physic powers, to heal allies or damage enemies. The real charm of Mother is the weapons. In normal RPGs, you fight with swords, axes, staffs, etc. In Mother, you use butter knifes, baseball bats, non-stick frying pans, and the like. Pretty humorous when fighting enemies like alligators and dust balls with these weapons. Main disadvantage of the game is the lack of a detailed map. The game gets quite confusing at times. Also, near the end of the game, the difficulty goes way up, almost like the game comes out of the screen and punches you in the balls about ten times.
3.5 out of 5

Graphics: The graphics are nothing too special about the game. It's like any overhead RPG from around this time. The only neat looking part of the game is near the end, but I don't really want to spoil much. The battle screen is just an black background with stats with an still image of the enemy, so nothing special there either. The character artwork though is rather goofy, but fitting at the same time. The translated version is of course, censored but nothing big. Cigarettes, blood, and anything promoting religion is taken out due to Nintendo's strict policy back when.
3 out of 5

Sound: Nothing like the old school NES music, right? Well, in truth, there are a few good songs (Battle Themes, Main Theme, Podunk) and a few irritating songs (Magicant, Spookane) All in all, it fits the theme of the game. Hey, you gotta love that music that plays when you face hippies.
3 out of 5

Lasting Appeal: This game is long, in the sense that you got to raise your level a lot, which takes time. The game gives you slim to little hints on where to go next, which could get very confusing. The ending battle and what happens afterwards makes the game unique, and leaves you with that good "I just beat this motherfucking game" feeling.
3 out of 5

Final Thought: Despite the fact that some parts of the game make you want to bash your head in with two bricks, gamers will find it rather fun and funny.

Final Score: 7 out of 10

Screenshots taken from Starmen.net

Contra 4 - Last Bad Ass 2D Commercial Game?

I've been growing up in an era where 2D gaming has been transitioning to 3D gaming, the Play station 1 was probably the last console to have 2D games that didn't have any 3D in it. Hand-helds have always thrived with 2D gaming but now hand-helds are also starting to make their transition to 3D. This really does suck ass, since with this transition the only place you'll see 2D games are at emo fag's houses with their Nintendo's trying to act retro, on the LIVE Marketplace and on your computer. The DS seems to be pretty old now, I'm guessing another year or so before Nintendo comes out with something else.

Contra 4 is going to be a bad ass game over-all, some of the best pixel artists around are working on this game(Fuck anyone who thinks they aren't 'leet' enough, trying making that shit yourselves, assholes), its Contra so you know game-play is gonna be tits and its gonna be on the DS. Being able to do co-op on this is also great, so instead of listening to your Science teacher bitch about how you're talking to much when you should be doing some gay ass work sheet, you can be playing this with your friend across the room.

Hell yeah, its bad ass even from the start, you jump out of a helicopter and you're ready to beat some ass. Jack up the volume on that copy of 'Pantera - Vulgar Display of Power' that you have in your CD Player or just listen to the Contra 4 music, they're both pretty fucking awesome.

I'm not really sure what the future holds for 2D gaming, perhaps it'll just be an indie thing, maybe it'll make a comeback(I mean 2D, not that 'Megaman Powered Up' bullshit). Though I'm sure Contra 4 will be a giant hit, because shit, its awesome. I'll give my review on Contra 4 once I get a copy of it, so keep on the look-out for it.

Gears vs Halo 3

Gears of War and Halo 3, two giants of the Xbox 360 face off against each other. They have both dominated in sales and in reviews but which one is better? Well enough with the bullshit, lets get on with this.


Now, I gotta say, Gears of War is just overly bad ass, even the smallest shit like reloading is fun to do. Its innovative game-play makes up for its lack of game variants. Though all these fucking updates have made it gone to hell and back, along with all this host-advantage bullshit, while maybe a bit over-exaggerated, is still pretty gay(Seriously, what the fuck Epic? Fix this shit). The updates have hurt it more than help it, weapons are now more uneven than ever and worse glitches have come out of taking out ones that didn't really matter. Graphics and sounds are still top-notch and the satisfaction of seeing and hearing a head-shot is sharper and gorier than ever.

Game-play is still great but like I said before, updates have fucked it up a bit but its still pretty fun, hell, thats why I still play it. At first glance this looks like a typical run and gun sort of game but when you start playing it, you'll realize that if you run and gun, well you're fucked. You're able to take cover really behind anything you could take cover behind in real life all with the simple press of the A button. The button layout is so god damn simple, it kicks ass, shit, the A button does a shitload not just you being able to take cover, you can fucking hold the A button and you run and crouch at the same time. Shit yeah, you can also do something called 'Active Reload' where you press the reload and if you press the reload button again and time it right, you're able to reload quicker. There's the usual weapons, the shotgun, the sniper, etc. but there's one bad ass weapon that sticks out: The Lancer. At first you think its your normal machine gun weapon, but then when you press the B button, fuck yeah, its a chainsaw. Thats not all, theres more, you can 'Grenade Tag' people, basically meaning, you put a grenade on someone and they explode, bad ass right?

Single player campaign only helps you get ready for multi player, its not worth playing for any other reason, its just too damn short. One of the things that sticks out for campaign is that you can play it co-op over LIVE or just at your house with a friend, even then, re-playability is pretty weak. There's nothing special about the story but why the fuck would you play a game for the story? Assholes, thats who.

Multi player is where its at but like I've said before, Epic likes to piss everyone off by making the game worse with their gay ass updates. The maps are great, every single one of them, except Escalation, fuck that map. If you can get past all the host-advantage bullshit(One way to solve this is to either be the host or be on the host's team), then you'll have shit loads of fun.


Halo 3, every jock asshole, wanna-be gamer girl and gay ass fan boy has a copy of this game, Bungie's Halo fan base has some pretty big assholes. The thing I probably hate most about this game is its sheer popularity, because honestly, its not that good, its not some revolutionary game, its just an FPS with some fun game variants(This mirrors Gears' original game-play and lack of variants) and a good game to get together with friends and play.

My favorite thing about this game has to be just being able to play a Custom Game with your friends, its just fun. Fuck Ranked Games, that shits gay, for some reason it just doesn't appeal to me like Gears of War's ranked game-play does, probably because on Gears you're not just silent or talking shit to some 12 year old that just killed you, saying that you have balls and he doesn't, really now? Well listen up jackass, you just got beat by a 12 year old and whined about it, you just lost the privilege of having a sack. Custom games have a lot of variety to it and now with 'Infection' added(Known as 'Zombies' in Halo 2) shit man, its just great.

The Campaign in this game is pretty damn fun, you can play 4 player co-op over LIVE with a bunch of your friends. The gayest thing I found about co-op is for some reason it can get really fucking laggy, the same people you just played with in a giant match that played smoothly, now for some reason are laggy as shit, why is this? No fucking clue, fix it Bungie, its annoying as shit. Anyway play campaign with some friends, its fun just get ready for a lot of cut scenes with Cortana bitching and having mood swings(She's on her period, basically).

The graphics in this game I think are pretty damn good, no matter what some asshole says about it. Halo 2 itself was great looking especially for the hardware its on and Halo 3 is just a big improvement of that, though some of the models piss me off, especially the black guy, the fucks up with his face? Anyway, graphics are great and blowing up people with rockets is still satisfying.

So both Gears and Halo 3 have their fair share of awesomeness but to be honest Halo 3 is just the same shit as Halo 1 and 2 with more of the same shit to do. Buy Halo 3 for playing with friends because thats what its meant for. Gears of War is something new and Epic just did a fantastic job making this game, its the definition of bad ass, go buy that shit right now.